Pictures and names

Okay, so first, I realise I haven't given my dear readers a taste of how massive I've become. I'll be 27 weeks on Thursday.

Compare this to 23 weeks...I daresay I've gotten larger:

Lastly, compare that with what must have been about 18-19 weeks or so...

Holy shit I am huge. I probably shouldn't look at pictures of this. If there are two babies I'll regret putting this in writing, but I really hope there's only one in there. My last scan wasn't really crystal clear (to me anyway), but the lady didn't say anything about there being more than one. But I'm just entering month 7. I'm going to get bigger. Dear lord.

Anyway, moving on from that sideshow: names. These are short lists for girls and boys - not all of these have been approved by Jamie yet.

Girls:

First:
Frances (nickname Frankie)
Aoife (pronounced ee-fah)
Naimh (pronounced as Neve)
Nuala
Isolde
Imogen (nickname Immi)
Alba (nickname Al or Ally)
Arwyn
Alwyn (nickname Al or Ally; Winnie is also possible, as with Arwyn, but I kind of hate it)
Delaney (nickname Lane or Laney)

Middle:
Frances (I kind of want to save this for a first)
Christine (only if the first is Frances)
Margaret (Jamie's late great aunt, and my sister)

I like all of these pretty well...I think Nuala and Niamh are actually my least favourite right now, but I was keen on them a few months ago. I really like the idea of Frances with the cool nickname Frankie, but there is a distinct possibility of this person simply not being a Frankie. They may be a Fran. And Fran...meh. Sounds too much like Bran in my accent, and in a posh British accent I kind of can't stand it...FRAAAAAAHHHN.

Onto the boys...

Dolan
Liam
Callum
Aidan
Cormac (nickname: Mack)
Ruaridh (pronounced as Rory)
Jones (I don't think Jamie likes this one; my mother's maiden name)

Middle is most certainly James if it's a boy. While this allows for all sorts of _J nicknames, I'm not that keen on most of them - but an option, I suppose, if my child decides to be a popular jock from a 1980s movie. It's a lifestyle choice; we'll support him.

I'm finding choosing boy's names much harder. I think my favourites are Liam and Aidan, but these are incredibly popular which puts me off. I'm coming around to Cormac, but I have yet to run this by Jamie. I really like Jones, but I think Jamie is lukewarm on it at best.

Aoife and Ruaridh are definitely up there generally - there are those that say the funny Celtic spellings are a terrible idea, but I kind of like it as a quirk. Having (apparently - it's always seemed pretty straightforward to me) a difficult to pronounce last name, I think it's character building for someone to be called the wrong thing at least several times a year. It gets you used to rolling your eyes at people, a highly effective coping mechanism for all manner of things.

Your thoughts?

Also, in case you missed it, there's also a new post below - two in one day - insanity!

March got away from me (so did April).

I'll warn you now, the likelihood of this post having any sort of flow to it is pretty low, but there are a few things I've been meaning to discuss.

1. Science, what the hell have you been doing all these years? Why haven't you invented some sort of external womb? Because you were making viagra, that's why. Well, fuck you. The last thing we need is more hard-ons in this world. I want this:

Luckily, this picture already existed so I didn't have to faff around with my own design. It captures the major features I would like: A womb-like tank to put the fetus in for awhile while mama has a glass of wine, maybe skips for a few feet (dances?) having removed the pressure from her pelvis, and sleeps next door without her masticated and half digested dinner drifting into her throat every few hours. Given time to make one myself, I would probably make it smaller (I believe the real estate term is "cosy") and rounder, perhaps more mobile; maybe put some fake intestines as a backdrop, or a full bladder for it to kick so the baby can feel like it's causing some sort of discomfort to its host. It'll never know the difference. Obviously there'd be some sort of time limit on time spent in the Baby Tank®; we wouldn't want to rob women entirely of the enriching experience of baby hosting.

You're welcome, Science. Get on that as soon as you're done giving people elf ears and curing cancer.

2. Eating is hard. Apparently, I've been dropping food in my lap or somewhere hidden for most of my life, because now that my boobs and belly are rather GINORMOUS, pretty much every meal I have involves me unintentionally installing some of it on either my top shelf (boobs) or my bottom shelf (belly). Eating every few hours as if someone is going to run in and steal my plate doesn't really help this tendency. 

I went out to pizza last week, and we got some free dough balls (they are really just balls of dough) which came with some garlic butter. After we were done, there was some garlic butter left, and I was sort of looking at it thinking, do I put some of that on my finger and lick it off? I think I do. Just as I'm about to go in the waitress snatches that shit off the table. Bitch stole my garlic butter. I was about to eat straight butter laced with garlic, and I was pretty pissed that I was interrupted. It was reflected in her tip. 

3. Maternity clothes. Sweet jesus, this shit pisses me off. Every fucking store has a children's section that covers a full square god damn mile, including inane shit like this. So, you want me to have kids. And you want me to buy them oodles of clothes before they can even process anything more than a few inches outside their immediate visual field. You want me not to put them in a burlap sack, even though they would not know the difference and it would be much easier for me. Let me explain to you how mammals reproduce. I have to actually grow this baby, which means I'll get a little bit bigger than your average lady, and that increase in size will be primarily in my abdomen. I'm not going to cook this kid  naked, because for some fucking reason society still expects me to leave the house and put a smile on my face. 

So maybe, just maybe you should sell some fucking maternity clothes. Take a tiny corner of your children's section - or, GASP - your regular womenswear section, and sell me some shit. Sell me some shit that will fit over my ginormous breasts and outsized belly. And when I ask you if you have maternity clothes, don't tell me about things you have that will fit me while I'm pregnant. I understand you have large sizes and weird mumus that people wear absent being pregnant. You probably also sell blankets and perhaps uncut cloth. I'm not looking for a fucking simulacrum toga. I don't want that shit. I want something that's going to fit me in the belly and the breasts without me having to swim in it everywhere else. 

Oh, what's that? You have maternity clothes online! Well, thank you so much. Because right now, I'm at the lumpiest a human being can possibly be (unless they're more months pregnant than I am now) without being considered sickly and what I want to do is buy things without trying them on. 

Also, let's discuss what qualifies as maternity clothing. These, I'm pretty sure, are just regular jeans on a woman wearing a fake bump:

Asos "Maternity" American vintage jean

Do they look great? Yes, yes they do. Will they push on my bladder? Most certainly. Does making them in "stretch cotton" mean they qualify as maternity clothing. No, no it does not.

Then, there's things like this. 

Sad sack pants

So, if I give birth while wearing these, the baby can just hang out in that pouch until I can find a qualified medical professional? Because I can't think of another reason why a drop crotch is happening in this particular situation (in any situation, really). A few friends have pointed out they look comfortable. Yeah, I guess? But I have sweatpants for that that still fit me just fine. 

Also, the idea that I'd drop £20-30 on either of these without trying them on is simply hilarious.

Lastly:

I've put a bow right in front of where the baby comes out! It's like a PRESENT!