Why are you such an awful person?

Well, I'm kind of not. But you might think I am, because this is not your typical pregnancy blog. Some cursory research (with the help of my friend Julia) showed that 99% of pregnancy blogs are mostly about the overwhelming joys of being pregnant (with the very notable exception of this one), and are mostly written in a rather serious tone. Lots of them are about trying to get pregnant and wanting to be pregnant, and loving being pregnant. Most of them, after only a few entries, turn into parenting blogs, and I'm not there yet. Most of the literature I can find on pregnancy (keeping in mind I looked for like five seconds) has no sense of humour, and is overwhelmingly positive and acts as if every pregnancy was planned.

This one was not. It's not some awful disaster; I'm not a 13 year old crack addict or anything (but I might write like one). I'm not even single. I just got married (this child is culturally sanctioned!). But there's still something growing in my abdomen and doing shit to my blood and my digestive system (and this is just the beginning), and I'm still a student and I have no money for lots of normal things let alone things like little shit catchers and cups with nipples. But this is still a surprise, and while it's welcome in many ways, and I'm certainly coming around very quickly to that joy part, I still wake up in the middle of the night and think, "Holy shit, I'm pregnant." It's a lot to deal with, and I plan to do so with humour heavily laced with snark.

To the person that is growing at the moment (sweet jesus that is so creepy), know that although you are unplanned, you will be loved and welcomed. And though I might hate on you in this blog a little bit, you are totally on my turf at the moment, burrowing (literally) into my insides, so I feel it's fair to call you out when you give me shit. Also, I haven't even met you, so considering your feelings on this particular matter would be a little premature. I'm sure I said some offensive things about Scottish people at some point before I met my husband, but I couldn't have known there was someone I would love in the future that would find that distasteful. Besides, I will obviously raise a child that finds me unconditionally hilarious at all times, in spoken, written and even danced mediums.

There's a really good chance I'll be seriously awful about updating this.